


It's still you anyway

by weeo



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Divorce, F/M, Missing Scene, Phone Calls & Telephones, Season/Series 05, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21601462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeo/pseuds/weeo
Summary: Lizzie makes an important phone call.
Relationships: Lizzie Stark & None, Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43
Collections: Peaky Blinders Exchange Round Two: Season 5 Edition





	It's still you anyway

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deadendtracks (amonitrate)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amonitrate/gifts), [Veneredirimmel (Smilla)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smilla/gifts), [anothershelby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothershelby/gifts).



> This is a little treat, written for the Peaky Blinders Exchange 2.
> 
> @deadendtracks @veneredirimmel @anothershelby: I felt like writing about Lizzie. It's my first time, so I hope you will like this little treat!

Lizzie’s grip tightened on the little note as she heard the handset ringing, the numbers creasing more between her clammy fingers at every tone. It was a solicitor from Birmingham who gave her the phone number out of pity. 

_“Nobody in Birmingham would take that risk.” The solicitor derided, stating this fact as if she was too dumb to have expected it._

_Her slight smile must have given away, under the above-ground politeness of the gesture, how she had already been turned down many times. When she opened the door to leave without adding a word, the resignation had hit him._

_“Mrs. Shelby.” he called, raising his voice to stop her._

_Lizzie’s steps froze in her tracks. A chill running down her spine, an old holdover from before when someone shouts at her. She learned to make it invisible on her face though. She thought she’s run as far as she could, as though the distance would change her. She used to flinch every time Tommy raised his hand to stroke her cheeks. This delicate move he has always done, even back then, in the past she’s tried to scrub off her skin._

_She turned around to face him. The solicitor was scribbling something on a piece of paper and stretched his arm towards her._

_“One of my colleagues in London might be able to help you. Call him.” He said with the disgusting look of a self-satisfied benefactor._

_Lizzie caught the paper in a firm gesture and left without a word, unable to wash out the rest of pride crackling in her chest._

“Holborn 5-0-3,'' She answered, her voice cracking, as she heard the voice of the operator. Restless energy escaped out her foot, her eyes darting over the ceiling for lack of anything else to stare at. 

Last night had been too much. The shoutings, the blood, the fucking guns, Johnny beaten up and Aberama on the edge of losing his bloody arm. All that in her yard, so close to her child. Enough is enough. This ridiculous fucking situation has reached a boiling point that drew her to the phone this morning. She had played with the folded piece of paper, hidden in her coat pocket for days already, fiddling with the pointy corners. 

Yesterday, she made up her mind. At least, she thought she did.

“I would represent you.” The London solicitor said unwaveringly. “Do you have some specific reasons? It would help us to win, in case your husband makes it difficult for us.”

“What kind of reason?” Lizzie asked, caught unprepared.

“The kind of reasons that are deal breakers in the eyes of the Law, Miss. For example, does he have an affair?”

“Not that I know of, but probably. Yet, I’m pretty sure the Court wouldn’t take me seriously if they learn that most of the time it’s with bloody ghosts and paperwork.” She spilled bluntly.

Lizzie couldn’t see his face, but the silence on the other end of the line easily painted a picture of the foolish look on his face.

“What changed Mrs. Shelby? There must be something.”

The heartbreaking reality is that nothing has changed. Sure, Tommy is acting different lately, but their relationship hasn’t evolved. He was drowning himself under responsibilities, reducing the time to hide away, thinking and brooding. And he still has a long list of phone calls to make every night. He has never given her the attention she craves and he still doesn’t. He used to pay her and still does in his head.

Nothing really changed, except Lizzie’s hopes.

The proposal was so sudden. Lizzie had dared to think the wheels in Tommy’s head were turning again. She couldn’t help but see some sort of promise behind the expensive golden ring wrapping around her finger. 

The promise of nurturing that little something they’re sharing, whatever it is. That reassuring feeling drawing them towards each other. Warming their hearts in the midst of this fragile balance, threatening to crumble like a tightrope walker with nothing to catch them but air. They’re desperately hanging onto the rope that keeps them alive, both afraid of the fall if they let their lifeline go.

“Mrs. Shelby, do you really want a divorce?” The solicitor dared to ask given the long heavy silence that followed his last question.

“I’m making up my mind. I’ll call you again if I decide to go with it.”

“Alright, fine. As you wish. Have a nice day, Mrs. Shel-.”

Lizzie hung up before he finished his sentence. She couldn’t hear that bloody name once again, though she loves how it rolls on everybody’s tongue. The light apostrophe made her feel important and respected. The idea of losing that frightens her and the more she hears the name, the scarier it gets. 

And she knows how scary the world can be, how bad it can get. She had plenty of occasions to remark that a simple name could make you feel safer than any police officer in Birmingham’s streets. She has had to run away from violence all her life, and now, she always picks where relative safety lies. She choses it, even if she’s conscious that the absence of other good choices makes it feel more like stealing. Grabbing the safe promise and holding it tightly close to her chest, so it never slips through her fingers. 

She let a long sigh escape her lips, her hand still glued to the handset. She spotted Frances through the crack of the half-opened door. She had no idea how long she had been listening, what she heard and what she’ll repeat, but she hated the idea that she was spying on her. Frances disappeared as soon as Lizzie noticed her presence though. _Thank fuck_ , she wasn’t in the mood to enforce discipline.

Her body ached for a smoke, and her hands for something to hold on. She turned around to lay against the wall and lit a cigarette. Sighing as the first pull of smoke clouded in her lungs.

*

When she told to Linda about the phone call, she still wasn’t sure she made the right decision by hanging up. Lizzie was listing the reasons to stay, trying to convince herself in the process.

Then, she heard Tommy’s car in the alley, so early in the evening, and Lizzie was smiling. Wetness dripping between her thighs and trickling on the back of her silky dressing gown. Of all the faces she could have pictured in her head, it had been a pair of mesmerizing blue eyes on top of her, brushing her skin with tenderness and panting in her neck. A bitter smile decorated her lips. One that cracks on her face when the irony of the situation couldn’t be more bloody ridiculous. 

If even her own head worked against her, she’d have to deal with that on her own terms.


End file.
